Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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