In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
