i already hear my dad disowning me
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
