For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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