Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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