I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just google imaged poop.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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