We named our party play list daddy issues
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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