I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
