You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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