Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
