i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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