My entire life is one complicated drinking game
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
