Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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