my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
even my farts smell like vagina
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
