Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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