you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You are a booty call, not a friend.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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