Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So vagazzling was a success
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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