Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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