1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
