My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
