i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
