guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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