Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
