Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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