U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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