omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
