He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
