ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
