What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
