No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
