HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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