cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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