she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
