first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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