I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
