my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
