I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
