I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
