Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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