I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
