I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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