Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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