I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
