I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
