She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
