i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
