If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
