How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Floor bacon is actually really good
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
