i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
