Got a toothbrush?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Say something about gay babies.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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