Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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