i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
