her vagina looked like bernie madoff
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
