So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
