I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
