yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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