stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
