you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize