In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
