I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
