Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
