you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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