It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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