Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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