So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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