The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
