you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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