Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
