Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Please, let me fuck your mom
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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