Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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