I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
