That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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