I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
