I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
