Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize