I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
